I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize