meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
