That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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