i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
