who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
