Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
