every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
