just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
