I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
