I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
