did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
