here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
