I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
