Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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