I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
