I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
