Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
