Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
