Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
