I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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