Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
