Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
