He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize