Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
