Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
