I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
