No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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