You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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