You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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