he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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