I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
