bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
