his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
