didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
