You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
