I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
