Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
