so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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