i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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