Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
