everyone is single if you try hard enough
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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