she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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