SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
