If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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