Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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