Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
