True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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