feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
