I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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