Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
