remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
