I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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