nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
