i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
