The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
