I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
