Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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