you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
