You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
