the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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