Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im part way to drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
