She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
