thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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