Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
