Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize