ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
