Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
