Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
