Who wears a wallet chain?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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