Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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